The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
