Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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