You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
