i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
what day is it and did you see me today?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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