All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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