I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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