i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
