I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
