I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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