Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
