yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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