The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Semen is not good for contacts.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
