i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
