that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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