Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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