I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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