Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
