I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
