So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
