how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
