I could make wine with my vomit
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
