So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
