your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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