I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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