I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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