She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
