someone get that fucking seahorse.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
