Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
be right there i have to get my cape
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I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize