My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
