I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
