I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
