My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
