My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize