just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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