I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
