I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
