I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
