i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
