mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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