I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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