You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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