these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
