I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
