I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize