apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
