we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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