I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
