I cannot find my penis.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
