I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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