Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
