sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
