fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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