He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize