i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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