Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
