Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
