He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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