After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
