Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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