I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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