Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
