so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
