I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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