My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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