I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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