what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
