True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
