I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
