There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
