Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
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I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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