just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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