(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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