explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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