Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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