Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
