made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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