Barsexuality is the new black.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
