God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
