some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
