you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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